Potty Training

Many folks find that the bathroom is a good spot for introspection. I am not one of them. I generally prefer to read on the throne, while leaving my “deep thoughts” for the shower. I do not have the fortitude to be one of “those guys” that brings reading material into the commode at work, however. I am thus reliant on the generosity of others to leave something worthwhile.

This is nothing new, as I have broached this subject previously. But lately I have noticed some patterns. Weds. is the best day to find the sports section in stall three. Thursday is a shoe-in to locate the weekend entertainment section in stall two. The key is to get in, grab it, and move to another stall (after all, it is known that the stall where the reading material is has already been defiled). One day I came up empty in my quest to locate suitable literary work, so I arbitrarily picked a stall. Upon the undertaking of human bio-activities, I noted that there was a small pamphlet on the northern surface of the toilet paper dispenser. My spirits suddenly raised by this unexpected discovery, I gleefully grabbed it and focused my gaze. The cover greeted me with a question that was a bit much for a depository session. “Are you 100% sure?” it asked me, with the YOU being significantly larger. I thought that this was an awfully random question.
“Sure about what?” I pondered. Sure that kids are growing up faster today? Sure that pets are getting fatter too? Sure that Lindsay Lohan is a fauxmosexual? I read on to discover four more questions in the background, of a much smaller font. “Is there a heaven?” “Is there a hell?” “Is there a God?” “Can you know for sure?”

These additional questions served to confound me further, but not for the obvious reason. I got to thinking about which of two possible reasons the pamphlet was in there. Either someone was legitimately reading about this in the bathroom, or someone left it there so that it would be found by the next user. If it was the former, how can you read something like that in there? Is religion not a bit too deep a subject for such activities? I am sorry, but there is something wrong with you if you are reading about the Lord our Saviour while excreting. That being said, I am more confident that it was the latter of the two reasons. I have been handed these pamphlets before at inappropriate times, usually by someone too sheep-like to understand why it is so. Passing on your own agenda is not always “for my own good”, but thanks for playing. That is why I can totally see someone leaving it there for a non-believer to find. But do you honestly think that
someone is going to have an epiphany about their spiritual being while dropping a deuce? Sure you do. Couldn’t you have at least left a pamphlet on McCain-Palin in there instead?

Extramundanely yours,
-Michael

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3 thoughts on “Potty Training

  1. You have got to ask Jake about the various bathroom shenanigans that go on in a government office. One guy builds himself a privacy curtain out of toilet paper- he hangs it over the crack between the door and one wall, and ties it to the top. I think if he has time, he builds another on the other side of the door as well.

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