A long strange trip indeed

It is hard for me to believe that I was only really gone for 7 days. It really did feel like more than that. I need a couple weeks to recuperate, but there is no time for that, not with blogging to be done. So, I will instead follow-up with some comments, lessons learned, and other hogwash cavorting through my brain after this recent Kansas City trip.

– After seeing the KC metro area crippled with a wee bit of snow and a some ice vs. seeing the Detroit metro area yesterday under 8+ inches of snow – it really proves how adept the latter is at taking care of the wintry conditions. It truly was amazing yesterday. I read that the county I live in had 115 plows on the road itself. I guarantee that is more than the entire KC area.

– A screaming baby is often used as the standard bearer for annoying plane behaviour. I am here to tell you, that two are much worse. There were two on my way to KC that had to be twins. But, they couldn’t get seats together so one was up front with grandma and one in the back with mom. This created a wonderful surround sound atmosphere as they took turns going for the CanadaAir shrill octave record.

– Speaking of twins, strippers do not like when you ask what their five year plan is.

– KC’s airport is strange, with the gates being enclosed. Each enclosure has its own security checkpoint and holds about 4 gates. Of course, there are no bathrooms so a guard has to let you in and out, which seems awesomely efficient. Anyway, the return flight had a lot of folks on it, so I decided to wait till the very end to get on (especially since I was in one of the back rows). As I am about to get up this absolute bruiser of a woman stands in front of me and cascades the following information to no one in particular after looking at her boarding pass “Great, I am all the way in the back of the f*cking plane, row 25.” She then proceeded to hike her shirt up so that she could access her belt-less dungarees in a futile attempt to subjugate her expanding muffin top. In horror I shakily opened my boarding pass and discovered that I too was in row 25. I eventually got on the plane, looked towards my seat, and naturally saw there were only 2 seats in each row, with an open one next to her. I start smiling and chortling to myself about my luck, the whole time longingly gazing in that direction, hoping to use some sort of Jedi mind trick to make the rows change numbers. I get within sight of her and I hear this guttural bellow “Is this your seat?” If I were blind I would have thought that she was a professional wrestler. Christ she sounded just like the Big Show Paul Wight. Luckily I had just gotten close enough where I could see that I was the row behind her. She must have misstated it earlier and I survived.

– Don’t assume your rental car will have an ice scraper.

– Mr. Pibb has worked his way back on to my Christmas card list.

– Double the price given to you for your rental car rate if you are heading to KC. Weekly rate, with AAA discount – $143.54. Total out the door – $249.42.

– Mr. Jim Beam is now off my Christmas card list, way off.

– Sitting in the back of the plane behind an ornery heifer and directly next to the engine is a grueling experience. The constant din was very frustrating.

– It may be cheaper to get a bottle and drink in the hotel vs. going to the bar, but there are other items that need to be factored in. Yes, many other factors I repeat.

– Per the above, do not try to keep up with a functioning alcoholic.

– Be leery of going to a restaurant that has an appetizer named “FourPlay” when you eat there with a self-proclaimed Lothario and a soon to be retired ex-military guy. You will get close to being kicked out.

Wow, that is enough for now. I actually have more too but will get back to them.

Pensively yours,
-Michael

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